Wednesday, November 28, 2012

AHA!

I know I have said this a thousand times, but I really have to figure out how to get on track. I need to learn how to balance a healthy lifestyle, a full time management position, family, and being a wife.

I had a little "AHA" moment this week. Had I stuck to plan for the 8-9 weeks that I have been back on Weight Watchers, I could have lost more than 20 pounds rather than the 5-6 I have lost. I've been having a really hard time sticking to it for the whole week. But I think having this little revelation just may help me to see the big picture. I know what I need to be doing, but it seems like 2 pounds a week is such a slow process. When in reality, if I were to lose two pounds a week for a whole year, that would be 104 pounds. That would put me just about at goal. Baffling, I know. (sarcasm).

I think it's just hard to see the big picture when things seem to be going so slowly. And to see the big picture when things like pizza and candy stand in your way. I am a relatively good cook. I enjoy my cooking and so does the hubs. I just need to see what I need to do and DO IT!

Plan, plan, plan then stick to it, stick to it, stick to it!

And even though I know that I am going to record a gain tomorrow, I am going to weigh in this week anyway!

And for your viewing pleasure (ha!), here are a few photos ranging from now back to 2004.



November 2012

Me and my grandpa in maybe 2006-2007. <3
 
High School. 2004.
 

Update: I'm a wife

I meant to post this update... Oh over a month ago. But I am not a wife!

P and I went to Vegas and got married. We didn't bring anyone with us or really tell anyone.

It wasn't anything special and I was a little disappointed. Just the fact that I was marrying my best friend brought tears to my eyes though, so it can't be that bad! The marriage is what matters, not the wedding. I've heard some rumors that my mom is going to throw us a reception, although I don't know anything about it.

I'm happy to be married and start something very special with a very special man.

Of course, I have to make a funny face.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

My Reasons

My Reasons For Losing Weight
 
  1. To have a baby.
  2. To feel good about myself.
  3. To be able to do more physically.
  4. To be able to run.
  5. To set a good example.
  6. To be a better wife.
  7. To keep up with the dogs.
  8. To do my job more efficiently.
  9. To have more energy.
  10. To have a healthy lifestyle.
  11. To have less bad days.
  12. To look good for the hubs.
  13. To reduce hip and knee pain.
  14. To work on changing my view of myself.
  15. To live a long healthy life.
  16. To be a good (future) mom.
  17. To be able to do more.
  18. To improve my relationships.
  19. To hike.
  20. To potentially get off my anxiety meds.
 
 
    

Monday, November 26, 2012

Mental Struggles

I've been back at Weight Watchers for about 8 weeks now. My sister and I joined together. But let me tell you, I have no drive to stay on plan. I don't really know what the deal is at all. Normally the first 6-8 weeks would be easy... Then I would start struggling. But not this time.

We got a stand up freezer so that I could start cooking and freezing, but I don't eat the freezer meals. I have no clue why. All I want to do is eat junk and fast food. I guess this is where the reality that losing weight is a mental struggle comes in. I know that I am just sabotaging myself. I know what I should be doing and I choose not to.

I even have one of my employees on plan with me now. She's done amazing and her will power is astonishing. I can't believe how strong she's been. I need to start taking cues from her.

I filled out my weekly handout from the last meeting I attended with all of my goals. I made the full list of 20. I need to start looking at that every day and remembering why this is worth it.

I want to start making a workout calendar too. I can't seem to get my butt up to do anything. I know that would help me stay on track and feel a whole lot better. But the motivation is not there. I have a whiteboard on my closet that I used to use for just this purpose. I want to make it into a calendar and start planning a whole month's worth of workouts starting in December. Then hopefully I can stick with it.

Question: What helped you get through the mental blocks of losing weight?

Monday, August 20, 2012

Day One

After a seriously crazy last few weeks involving a hotel room fire, a family vacation, two sick cats, and much more I am finally starting back on Weight Watchers. I am on track for the day and hope to stay that way. At this point I am just going to go with doing things on my own at home and not go to meetings. I know that they are helpful, but truth is: I don't want to get up at butt o'clock on a Saturday morning to make it to my favorite meeting.

I weighed myself this morning and I was very unhappy with what I saw. I weighed in at 248.8. This is a new all time high for me. I am absolutely disgusted. I did a pretty good job at maintaining my (still disgusting) weight for the last few months. I know what I need to do and I know that now is the time... Especially if I want to have babies soon. I have contracted a serious case of baby fever after loving on two adorable twin boys over the weekend.

I am hoping to get into a really good routine of prepping and cooking on Sundays. I know that's what works for me.

Now if only I can stay FOCUSED!

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Exciting Things

Yes, yes. I know my blogging skills blow. I have been so crazy busy lately that I just haven't even thought about it. Nor have I thought much about being healthy. But I have lots of big news and big things coming up in my life that will hopefully help me get on track again...

First off, Preston and I got engaged! It's been almost two weeks now and feels like pure stressful bliss. There's a whole lot of pressure mounting and I'm thinking we might just end up eloping and then having a reception afterward. Neither of us like to be the center of attention and a big wedding is just not in our future. I am having my sister take engagement photos this weekend, so look for those coming soon. They are going to be the cutest things ever. P and I have some awesome ideas together.

The second big news is that I have finally gotten P to agree to try for a baby... Sometime NEXT year! He's always been on the fence about because he thinks we're too young yet. But he has finally agreed and I am over the moon. I'm not sure if I'm really even ready, but just to know that he is on board is awesome.

I am going to try to get back on WW and get P to get healthy too. I want to have a healthy pregnancy and a healthy new life with my future husband and future child.

Stay tuned for more updates...

Sunday, June 3, 2012

Elimination

I'm still here and I'm still alive... But I'm definitely not on track. I've been really struggling with getting on track and have basically sucked for the last month. I haven't tracked, I haven't worked out, and I've ate crap. This may explain my disappearance.

I've also been having some serious tummy issues. I've been having these same issues for a couple of years now, but they just keep getting worse and worse. I've been tested for food allergies and I don't have any. My stomach always feels like it's twisting around itself. And sometimes it's so bad that I can't even concentrate.

I know a couple of my aunts did an elimination diet to pinpoint what your stomach is sensitive to. I had my mom ask my aunt how she did it. She's on the east coast, so I only talk to her when she's here. She's done it. This is what she said:

"She should begin by COMPLETELY eliminating the top 10 major allergens:

Dairy

Soy

Peanuts

Corn

Wheat

Gluten

Eggs

Tree nuts (almond, cashew, pecan)

Shellfish

Sesame

After a week of NO allergenic foods, she can do a 3 day detox/ cleanse

This can be purchased at Vitamin shop. Or drink water with juice of 1/2 lemon, juice of 1/2 lime, and 1T real maple syrup 3x/day.

Follow this with 2 "clean" salads in between. Clean means organic produce and no dressing.

Now she is ready to add in foods. I food at a time. 3 days. Observe for reactions. If they don't bother her stomach, keep eating and add the next food. Etc until you isolate the culprit

My feeling is if her gut is aching, it is gluten or just wheat and/ or dairy.

Gluten issues are huge among the Irish."

This sounds like it is going to take more work that I really want to put in, but the alternative is to live with horrible stomach pains forever. I'm thinking about giving it a go.

Have you ever done anything crazy like this?

Monday, May 7, 2012

MIA

Sorry that I have been MIA for the last week or so. I haven't really had a lot going on because all I've been doing is sleeping. I've been having a really hard time staying awake and have been asleep as early as 6:45pm and as late as 9:15pm all week. And then I sleep through the entire night without waking. I'm not sure if this is a side effect of my new medication or not. I should probably look that up.

At my weigh in on Saturday I lost 0.6lbs. That sucks, but it's my own fault. I haven't been sticking to the plan very well and I haven't worked out at all. I'm hoping to get myself moving this week. If I can only stay awake...

That's pretty much the extent of my life since I've been gone. I hope I have more interesting things to tell you all this week!

Sunday, April 29, 2012

Home Stuffs

Have I ever mentioned that I bought a house in 2011? Well, I did. And it's been a big huge change. Somehow I went from a 500 sq ft apartment to a 1600+ sq ft house and have way more clutter. This weekend I decided to start going through things and organizing. I also decided to take a couple trips to some thrift stores. I got some things to finish up the guest room. I just need to get new bedding in there and it will be set. We never have guests, but it's so cute in there. It's all outdoor themed.

Because I am excited, I decided to share some photos of the bedroom. I just have one wall that needs some work. It's empty. I am thinking of painting it, getting a tapestry, or some of those wall stickers.

I got some other things as well, but I'm not done with them all yet. Or even have ideas for some of them.

And for your viewing pleasure...
Photos taken by yours truly.


P bought this for me. <3

I searched for a year for that deer head. I really wanted a moose that was a little different, but this works.



P got me this moose pillow pet too. I just love moose.

I took this photo of my friends as well at Golden Gardens.


Saturday, April 28, 2012

Weigh Day #2

I had my weigh-in this morning and it didn't go as well as I would have liked. I lost 0.8lbs. That's a total of 4.2 pounds. It's better than nothing and way better than a gain. And I went out to dinner last night. I probably shouldn't go to dinner the night before weigh-in. We had Mexican and I got the usual. I only had a few chips and I only ate part of my meal.

That's all I have for now. I just wanted to give a little update on my weigh in.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Twas a Bidding War

I've never really used Ebay before. A few years ago I bought a phone that I ended up not being able to use. I bought it at the "Buy It Now" price. That is the extent of my Ebaying.

I've really wanted a Garmin Forerunner 305 for a while. Back a couple of months ago when I was ready to start running I looked into it. I did not want to spend tons of money on it so I've been longing after one for months.

This week I decided to take the whole Ebay thing seriously. I recruited P to do it all on my account because I'm not good with that kind of stuff. On Monday we found one that was crazy cheap and set out to bid. Every time we bid, we were outbid immediately and I was sad. After a fierce bidding war of $1 at a time, we were FINALLY in the lead! And then in the last 5 seconds as we were trying to get in our very last bid... We LOST it! I was really disappointed.

I kept looking and on Tuesday I found another one in the right price range. I decided to handle this one on my own. I put in a bid and was shortly outbid. I then decided to wait until the end, like P said I should, and ended up in a much less stressful and low-key bidding war.

It came down to the final seconds and then it was MINE! I only ended up paying what my limit was for the one we lost out on. So I got it for about $70-$100 less than what I could find online and $60 less than Garmin's suggested price . I am so happy with that! I can't wait to get it in the mail and put that baby to use.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Confessions Of A Former Cat Lady

My BF calls me a BAMF. And I had to ask what that meant.

I almost didn't graduate high school.
I have no real desire to go to college, although I've gone on and off over the years.

I've always dreamed of being the crazy cat lady.

Until I met Preston, I honestly thought I was destined to be alone.


I don't think I'm very good at being in a relationship, but I try.

I hold in my feelings.

I don't deal with my emotions well.

I've lived in a studio apartment.

I prefer to live alone. Roommates were just not for me. Now I live with P and it's challenging.

I love comedies.

I used to be obsessed with Tupac and had what looked like a shrine in my bedroom.
Yes, I did believe all of the conspiracy.

No, I don't believe them anymore.

I love Justin Bieber, but I don't own any of his music.
I've never been on a go kart, four wheeler, etc.

They scare me.

I tell EVERYONE that I don't want kids, but I really do want them.

BEFORE I'm 30.

I think this might be because I had always thought I'd end up alone.

I can get self destructive.
I never wanted to get married until I met Preston.

I believe he is my soul mate.

I have always been overweight.
I have always been self conscious.

I've never really felt like people really liked me.

I used to think I was some type of gangster.


And then I got adorable.



And then I got really fat.
And this isn't even the worst of it. I hid from cameras.

And then I got pretty fit (for me).
And I used to have really long hair. Thinking about it makes me cry.

And then I got fat really fat again.

And now I'm trying to get skinny.

And this leaves is where we are today.

I hope you stick around too see what happens!

Don't Take It Personal

In my loudest, most horribly beautiful singing voice:

"It's just one of those days that a girl goes through
When I'm angry inside,
Don't wanna take it out on you.
Just one of them things.
Don't take it personal.
I just wanna be all alone
And you think I treat you wrong.
Don't take it personal
Baby, baby, baby, baby, baby.
Don't take it personal."

Yep, that's my song of the day. I don't have any reason to  be feeling this way, but it just all of a sudden hit me shortly before lunch time. Maybe I'm just in a funk.

On a brighter note, I called my insurance provider today and confirmed that counseling would be covered. Then I researched a few providers and found one that I am going to give a try. I am just waiting on her calling me back. I hope this will be a step in the right direction. And I got my medication to start today. Hopefully things will start going a little better.

And I'm off to hang out with

THIS GIRL

And these guys
And maybe a few of these

Monday, April 23, 2012

Feel The Burn

I may have over did it on yesterday's workout. As the day has gone on, I can barely stand from sitting, I'm walking funny, and my upper body is starting to hurt too. Go big or go home: I guess so! Let's just say that I didn't do any working out today because I feel like death!

As you may remember from the other day, I've been really letting my weight control my life. Well I've decided to take some steps to remedy that. I am putting on more makeup again and I automatically felt better. Today is day 3 in full makeup. I've also been making more efforts with the BF to show him a little more love and appreciation, but it's not working in my favor. I'm not going to give up just yet though. I've also been doing more around the house instead of putting it off. And I got that workout in yesterday. These all may seem like little things, but they are all going to add up to big changes. Another step that I took to get back to myself was go to the doctor today.

Me. Making an effort.

I scheduled this appointment because I have been having a lot of anxiety issues and sleep issues. As you may remember from (Here), I am a creepy sleeper and talk all night long. This results in my never feeling rested no matter how much I sleep. I don't know if this is related to my anxiety issues, but I'm starting to thing that it may be. I've also been having horrible shooting rib pains for months. They mostly happen at night. They are so bad that I can't move and I can barely take a breath. I am starting to believe that this may be related to the anxiety as well.

My doctor had to poke at my ribs and didn't find anything. Let me just tell you that I DESPISE having my ribs touched in any way. I've always been a freak about it. I can't even lay down without covering them. If P ever touches them, it's the end of the world. I have no clue why but I've been like this as long as I can remember. My doctor appointment was torture.

After talking with doc a bit, she thinks that the events of the last year are starting to catch up with me. You can read a little bit about that (Here). I am leaning towards agreeing with her. She is going to put me on some anxiety meds and would like me to get counseling. My speech therapist also suggested this. I do hold things in and try not to deal with them, so I think I might actually listen and find a counselor. Everything that has gone on over the last year is a lot for anyone to deal with.

She also tested my thyroid again. She thinks that I have hypothyroidism. In November I was bordering on it. Last year I was told by my allergist that I have an autoimmune disease attacking my thyroid that would eventually kill it. I was tested in November and they told me it all came back normal. When she looked again today, she said their lab does things a little strangely and I am technically bordering on hypothyroidism.
She also tested me for arthritis. I've always had something like arthritis in my hands. And now I am having serious knee pain. I think that she did some other tests too and I have the fatty bruise to prove it.

And to move on from the heavy stuff, I thought I would share with you why I am not going to try to be a food blogger any time soon. This week I planned out all of our dinners, just not what day we would eat them. This planning is making dinners a breeeeeze!

On Sunday, I decided I was going to put my eggplant (which I've never tried before) to use and make some eggplant pizzas. I couldn't find any recipes that totally caught my interest, so I just took a bit from each and threw together my own idea.

I used two eggplants, a mix of FF cheddar and FF mozzarella, some onions, peppers, pizza sauce, and turkey pepperoni. They weren't HORRIBLE, but definitely not the best thing that I have ever ate. I think I have now decided that I do not like eggplant.

Eggplant Pizza. Me. :-/
And tonight I decided to make a classic with our turkey burgers. Hungry Girl Bacon N Cheese Bell Pepper Skins are always a hit with the BF. He ate about 3/4 of the plate. It uses 2 bell peppers, green onions, 6 strips turkey bacon, 3/4 cup FF cheddar, and some sour cream on the side. Love love love these. If you want the whole recipe, let me know.
Hungry Girl Bacon N Cheese Bell Pepper skins.

I am feeling good that I am making steps towards reaching my happy place, that I have things planned out this week, and that I am FEELING THE BURN.

And to leave you with a little low quality cuteness for the night, I share this that I took as I wrote this post. (Yes, that is a Christmas blanket on my bed. Don't judge me.)

My loyal followers.

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Sunday Workout

I haven't quite decided if I'm going to update on workouts in new posts or in my "Workouts" tab. So today, I shall do both.

After messing around on the internet this morning, I decided to get in a workout while P is at work. I tennis shoed and sports bra'ed up and got on the Total Gym. Mabel didn't want momma to workout and proceeded to lay her head on my neck so I couldn't move. I thought it was the cutest thing ever and wished I had my camera. She is always my loyal workout buddy, sticking right by my side and trying to "help" me do everything. Yes, in case you didn't know, this is my dog.

Once she got in her loves, she let me get to work. I proceeded to do 27 minutes of circuit training on the TG. Or what I think is circuit training. I do it all work NO BREAKS other than to switch positions. Someone please tell me if I am wrong on this. I could NOT make it to 30 minutes even. Buggin. A little gist of what my work out was is as follows:

Tricep extensions, TG squats and single leg squats, 45 squats, 20 lunges, 20 wall push ups, TG hip abductions, rows, bicep curls, and more.

My legs are already DYING from the squats. Oh how I loathe love thee, squats. I had both of my loyal followers with me through the whole work out. And Crooksy decided he wanted to help me stretch at the end. Yeah, I still don't know how all you moms out there do it! My pets are enough of a hassle for me to get in a workout. They are all up in my GRILL all the time. And my dogs are just puppies and raise hell. So I am always having to check on them and make sure they're not into stuff. Props to all you REAL moms out there who make it happen.

I want to get my wuppies tags with their names and phone numbers on the front and "Here to fuck shit up!" on the back. If you don't know what that's from, I feel sorry for you. They're not that bad, but they're so cute and do fuck shit up.

I mean look at these WILD things. They indeed fuck shit up.
Ok, now that my loyal followers got me off track... I am going to hang up a white board and plan out my workouts for the week today. I also planned out all of our dinners and went grocery shopping last night. I don't have them planned for certain days, just what we are going to have. It's a step in the right direction!

I'm off to get ready to the day before P gets home and knows I didn't get in the shower until afternoon!

What was your weekend workout?

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Weigh Day

I was nervous going into my Weight Watchers meeting this morning. I have stuck to the plan, but not the way I would in the past. This week I used most of my weekly points, which I never used to do. I ate ice cream and candy. I made a giant egg scramble with ham, onions, and cheese. I've used real butter.

I did all of these things that go against what most women's minds see when thinking losing weight.

And...


I LOST 3.4 POUNDS!

Booyah grandma! I didn't think I did as well as I could have this week. I thought my period might affect my weigh in. I ate a blizzard the night before weigh in. But I still lost! Now this doesn't mean that I will go buck wild and eat unhealthy food. I am going to stick to plan, but I am going to remember that I can have things that seem to be "off-plan".

I'm really excited for my loss. I am going to start to work out a little more. I am going to work into it slowly. I know what if I stick to it, I will see the results that I am looking for.

Friday, April 20, 2012

On The Rocks: Relationships: This Is Not Me.

Ok, it's time to get real honest:

My relationships are suffering (and I'm at fault).

Let me just start this off by saying that I am a very lucky girl. And I mean very lucky. Although we've had our fair share of problems and such, I have a wonderful family. We have all grown so much closer through all of the heart ache that we've suffered over the last year. Things have not been pretty up in this joint. There have been far too many heart aches, tears shed, and pain in general for all of us. But in between the bad times, there have been many more laughs, hugs, "I love you"s and time spent together. We really have grown together, even if some of us drifted away for a while. We're starting to become the WHOLE family that we need to be to keep each other going. And by whole family, I am saying that I know that Shannon is always with us and watching over us. I am so thankful to have her as my guardian angel.
Missing a few. But our last family picture before we lost Shannon.

Just the siblings.

I also have one of the last few good guys out there. Now I've been through my fair share of bad boyfriends. I was losing out on all hope that there was anyone out there for me. And then I met Preston. Let me just tell you that sometimes I don't even feel like I deserve such a loving, caring, and thoughtful boyfriend. Sure, sometimes he gets on my DAMNED NERVES, but I love him more than I ever thought I could love someone. I have never felt this way about anyone before. He is truly my best friend. I can tell him anything and everything. Although I do keep some things to myself for the sake of his sanity. He will hold me through my tears and be by my side no matter what. I am the luckiest girl in the world to have him. Just thinking about our love makes me get goosebumps. Yeah, it's that kind of love. Be jealous.
I mean look at this kid! How could I not love him?



Now when it comes to friends, I usually feel like I'm lacking in that department. My mom and my sisters are my closest friends. I would not be where I am today without them. Outside of that, I really don't have much in the way of friends. I have my childhood best friend. I love her dearly, but we never see each other even though we only live miles apart. We talk about silly things like our dogs, but never about anything real any more. She will always be my best friend. We've been through too much together to not be friends. I also have a group of friends from my previous job. I love them, but don't see or talk to them often. These are the most fun, encouraging, thoughtful, non-judging ladies that I have ever met. I just wish all of our busy lives with the exception of my incredibly boring one would sync up more often so we could see each other more.

Now to move on to the point of this post. I have let so many things get in the way of having good, healthy relationships with the people that I love. And I think that my weight and the way I feel in my own skin (horrible) is the biggest thing holding me back. I don't even like to leave my house most of the time if I don't have to. I think that people have started to realize this because I don't get invited to many things any more. I get offended sometimes, but if I stop to take a look at the big picture I realize that it's my fault. Although I always have a wonderful time once I'm there, it takes a lot to get me out the door to family or friend functions. I have mini anxiety attacks when meeting up with friends. I dread family events. I just don't want to see people. I apparently have become a hermit who just wants to sit at home alone all the time. I've always enjoyed my home and spending quality time there, but things have never been like this. I try to push through it and get my ass out to where I need to be, but more often I am finding that I can't. I would rather go home and sit around with the wuppies than go do something fun. This is not me.

I also find myself getting frustrated much more easily. I don't like it when this person comes out. This person is not who I am or who I want to be. This person is unhappy, angry, and has a very short fuse. This person has irrational emotions and can go from laughing to crying with no notice. I do not wish to be associated with this person that I do not recognize. This is not me.

The place where all these feelings are affecting me the most is the worst. The most important relationship in my life is going through the ringer. See, my family HAS TO love me and accept me. I'm the baby and that's just how it is. But Preston doesn't have to. He can leave at any moment if things get too bad. Sometimes I'm surprised he hasn't yet. Just further proof that I have one of the last good men.

He gets the worst of it all because we live together and because I tell him everything. He hears way too many "I'm so miserable because I'm so fat" statements. He's there through all the personal struggles I go through. He does not like hearing these comments out of my mouth because in his eyes, I am beautiful. But I can't fathom why he would even want to be with me. This puts a serious strain on our relationship. The fact that my confidence is at an all time low and I am so uncomfortable in my own skin is hurting US. I find myself not making much of an effort anymore. I barely put on makeup, I never straighten my hair, I wear t-shirts and jeans everyday and never dress up. This is not me.

Because I have no confidence in myself, I don't make many efforts. We fight more than we used to. I get irritated at things that I shouldn't. I don't really let him touch me and act like it's an annoyance when he does. I mean he does get annoying sometimes. I don't want to be poked and groped all the time, you know? But I do want to be kissed and hugged and find myself turning away. It's really starting to take a toll. This is not me.

As I've mentioned before, P is a former fat kid himself. He can relate to the issues that I am having more than most people can because he's been there. But being that he is a man, he can still eat pretty much whatever he wants and not gain TOO much. His weight does fluctuate and he gets down on himself about it. We are currently both in a very bad weight place. I think that if I can get my mind in the right place he will be my best support system because he understands the struggle that is weight loss.
I need to work on my body image issues. I need to work on my health and well being. I need to show my love and affection more. I need to work on ME to save my relationships.

I don't want to let my weight rule my life. I don't want my weight to make me have a bad attitude. I don't want my weight to determine whether today is a good or bad day. I don't want my weight to make me mean. I don't want my weight to make me unhappy. I don't want my weight to ruin my life. This is not me.

This is why I am making changes. They are coming slowly and it is going to be a process. I want to be the best me that I can be. I am going to take baby steps to get me to where I want to be. Baby steps to Weight Watchers Meetings. Baby steps to a pound lost. Baby steps to more activity. (Um yeah, Bill Murray, baby. You can learn a lot from Bob.)

I know that things are going to be slow going. I know that things are going to be hard. But if I take the time to recognize what I have let my life become, I can start to make little changes every day. This will get me to where I need to be. This will get me back to being ME!

Thursday, April 19, 2012

TMI Alert

So I have stayed on plan all week long. I haven't gotten active like I'd like, but I'm just so tired. I want to go to bed at 6pm every night. I'm surprised I'm still awake right now because I stay up til 11:45, yeah you read that right, last night. I don't know what I was thinking... Other than the fact that it was P's night off and I actually wanted to spend time with him for once in our damn lives.

Now to the TMI...

I have my weigh in on Saturday and I started my period today. Eff. I've heard that people can gain upwards of 5 pounds just by being on their period. I'm really hoping this doesn't effect my weigh in on Saturday. And I suppose if it does, such is life. Weigh ins and periods will overlap plenty more times.

Or will they?

Don't take that the wrong way! I am not planning on getting pregnant! Or not yet anyway. I've been thinking about babies a lot this week. Anyone else get like that? Little mini baby fevers. Yeah, hit with one. I can't tell you why. I want to have a baby or two some time in the not so near future. But I also want to be a healthy mom-to-be and mom. And I want P to be a healthy dad. No, we're not married yet. But yes, we do plan to be married in the future. There is no time line set out but we know that we are meant to be together.

I have a doctors appointment on Monday and I am thinking of talking to my doctor about getting the implanon birth control. It's good for three years and inserted into your arm via needle. Um, yeah. Creepy and a little unnerving. And apparently if you want it removed, they do that via needle as well. I think I'll just stop thinking about the process and thinking about the results. This sounds like a good option. My sister and niece are on it and no longer have periods. And it's not like other more "semi-permanent" birth controls that last 5-10 years. I think three years is a good time frame to evaluate our life and see if we're ready to think about baby makin'. Of course, I want to get married and have things a little less stressful beforehand.

P thinks that I should get the birth control. He's definitely not ready to be a daddy (other than a fur baby daddy). And I suck at all other forms of birth control.

Ok, enough TMI for today. Just some thoughts racing through this brain of mine tonight.

Oh, updated for a question... Does anyone out there have a good acne regimen that doesn't dry out your skin or make it greasy? I have weird and sensitive skin. And it's full of the worst acne I've ever had lately. I have tried the Neutrogena SkinID and although I really liked it, my face started developing some serious blahblahblahdermatits. I also tried BeautyMint and it looked like I had rubbed my face in pizza grease. Sexy. Recently I've tried a couple Burt's Bees products, a couple Biore, a Clean and Clear, etc. I've never found anything that really works. Ugh! All suggestions welcome. :)

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Halfway Through

It's Wednesday and I'm now halfway through my first week of Weight Watchers. I feel like I've been doing pretty well. I have used a few of my Weekly Points Plus values most of the days. But I'm not getting down about it because that is what they're there for. When I was on plan before, I didn't use them unless I was going out to dinner, but they can be used for any reason at all.

I know the reason that I have been using my Weeklies. I am a late night eater. We eat dinner ridiculously early for only being in our 20s. We have to because P works at night. So usually dinner is served at 6pm or earlier so that we have time to eat together. By the time he goes to work and I'm stuck at home all alone, I am hungry and want to eat everything in sight. I know that if I just worked out at night and kept myself  busy, this wouldn't be such an issue. I definitely need to get a plan of action together. I basically have my own home gym.

I've only earned 4 activity points this week from walking the dogs. I have been incredibly tired and I just can't find the motivation to do much. P and I actually laid down for a short nap before he went to work last night. I fell asleep for 3+ hours and he didn't fall asleep at all. Bad, bad girlfriend. I felt guilty when I woke up and asked if he made it to work. Oh well, I was tired and he'll get over it.

Other than this, not much has been going on so far this week. Tonight is P's night off. I don't think we have any plans other than to just hang out at home. All FIVE of my pets have been some serious pains in the ass over the past few days. The cats are on the counters, the dogs are chewing things they shouldn't be (shoes, their bed), they're digging holes, oh yeah, all sorts of things. Good thing they're all so darn cute because Sunday I was this _____ close to "rehoming" them all on Craigslist. Syke! I could NEVER but the thought crossed my mind.

Oh, I've also been pushing P really hard this week to apply for new jobs. He works two suck ass part time jobs. He is too stressed out and wants to quit on of them and  he brings home next to nothing. He's applied for a lot of jobs, but I don't think he's put in as much effort as he could have. So I've been scouring the internet and emailing him jobs. Then texting him threatening encouraging messages about them. He filled out one application and they want him to come in for the testing for the job. This is great news. The job is union and makes pretty good money for being entry level. He has to go in this week to do the testing and I am going to try to convince him to do it today. We shall see. He's much smarter than he gives himself credit for.

Happy Wednesday!

Monday, April 16, 2012

Prepared and on track

After my Weight Watchers meeting on Saturday, my kitchen was in no way prepared for me to start. So Saturday was not my official start day. I know it's cheating, but I sucked on Saturday.

On Sunday I got P out of bed ridiculously early so that we could make a dump run. When we got home, I  made us both a healthy breakfast of eggs, toast, and turkey bacon. He had to work all day so I was stuck on my own. I went to the fruit stand and loaded up on freggies. I was going to go to Winco, but it looked insanely packed so I just nixed that idea. Once I was home, I decided that I wanted to make Hungry Girl Bacon 'n Cheese Bell Peppers so I headed out to Albertson's for some fat free shredded cheese. I ended up doing a bit of grocery shopping there and spent entirely too much money on not very much stuff. This is why I shop at Winco. I could have bought double what I bought at Albertson's at Winco. You live and you learn.

Now my house has lots of healthy options for my Weight Watchers plans. I stayed on track yesterday even though I was a point short of missing my Points Plus target. Today, I am on track as of this morning. I even packed myself a morning snack. I am going to try to do this every single day. I need to have a morning and an afternoon snack.

Last year, when I got down to about 187 pounds, I ate breakfast, morning snack, lunch, afternoon snack, dinner, and sometimes an evening snack. This worked very well for me. But I also spent a lot of time preparing and planning these snacks. I just need to keep my mind on what works best for me and take the time to take care of myself.

I think this is where my problems come in. I do not make myself a priority. I always put other people ahead of myself. For a very short time last year, I made myself my number one priority. Then all Hell broke loose and everyone and everything else started to come first again. I need to get back to where I was and make myself and my health a priority. In the big picture, if I don't take care of myself, I can't be there for the people that I love and care for. And damn it, some of them NEED me to be around.

How do you make yourself a priority?

Saturday, April 14, 2012

First Day

I woke up at a disgusting hour this morning to go to my first Weight Watchers meeting. It was all about having a Plan B for your workouts. Yep, spoke right to me. I do not like when things don't go they way I would like. Having a Plan B is something that I am going to work on.

I'm excited to start Weight Watchers again. I do think it's a great program. I just have to stick with it. I am going to get P-Tone on with it too. He's just a little upset because he had a couple of doctor appointments this week and he's almost up to 200 pounds again. See, Preston used to be very over weight. His old pictures show someone that I have never known. He isn't careful about what he eats at all, so we've just gained weight together. He has also noticed his clothes getting tight as well. Now, he's on a hunger strike. Ok, not really but he's eating much less. I am going to try to join the plan with me. Or at least roughly.

The meeting went really well. And I started out the day on track as well. Hopefully I can just stick to it. I am going to be inputting my weekly weigh ins on my "Weigh Ins" tab. I'll try to put them up on Saturdays when I go to the meetings.

The new program comes with a lot more stuff and a nifty carrying case that the 2011 program didn't. I'm off to read up on the new program!
And to enjoy the sunshine with these little sweeties!


Friday, April 13, 2012

I Start Tomorrow.

Earlier this week I signed up for Weight Watchers again. They had a deal of buy your first month, get the second month free. I have been debating on joining again for a while but I couldn't really justify it when I can use Sparkpeople for free. And  I still had "Easy-Pay" payments left on my Total Gym. I paid that off a month early because I had some extra money, so now that money is going to go to Weight Watchers. I shouldn't even miss it!

I first joined WW in 2007 or 2008 (The Flex and Core program). I purchased the at home kit and I did really well on it, although I don't remember ever weighing myself. Ok, maybe I didn't do that well. But I do know that I liked it. Every so often I would get out the kit and freshen up on the details and start again. Then in October or November of this year my best friend and I joined together. This time we decided that we would get up way too early every Saturday and go to meetings. I love the meeting leader on Saturday mornings. She is perky and peppy and hilarious. And she has an almost concerning love for cupcakes. Who can beat that? We went for a month or two, but then my friend stopped showing up. Because we joined together, I felt weird being there alone. I ended up slacking on the meetings as well.

This is always the routine when we do something together. I join some program or gym with her with all intentions of going and making a difference. Then she ditches out and I feel like ditching out too. That is why this time I am going to join alone. I am not going to join to be anyone else's support system. I am not going to go just because someone else wants me to. I am going to go for me.

I know without a doubt that I need to get back to healthy lifestyle. Right here and right now I am going to list the reasons to remind myself when I feel discouraged.

My Reasons for getting healthy and STAYING healthy:

To live a long and happy life.

To be an example for my nieces.

To be happy.

To have a form of stress release.

To be able to run with my puppies.

To be a better girlfriend.

To be a better (in the hopefully nearish future) future wife.

To be able to have children.

To be able to be a good example for my future children.

To relieve the knee pain I've been having lately.

To know I am living my best life.

To get the BF healthier as well.

To be carefree again.

To be confident.

To have better relationships.

To feel more rested.

To lessen my anxiety issues.

To have confidence.

To feel good naked.

To feel good clothed.

To not wear a jacket no matter how warm it is.

To feel a sense of accomplishment.

To not let food control me.

To eat to live not live to eat.

These are the reasons that I can list off  now. I am sure that there are many more that I will think of. I think that putting them in writing will help to remind me of why I am putting in the work when I am feeling a struggle. Tomorrow I will get up digustingly early and go to a meeting.

Here's to a fresh new start!

How are you working on healthy living?

Monday, April 9, 2012

PT, Collars, Easter, and WW

So, have I mentioned my weird voice problems that I've been having for months? Well, after a few visits with an Ear, Nose, and Throat Specialist I've been referred to a Vocal Physical Therapist. When I try to talk my voice just doesn't work. It takes a couple of tries to get any voice to come out. With my job I need my voice so I had to do something about it.
 In vocal therapy I get homework every week. I am supposed to be working really hard on diaphragmatic breathing. I am also supposed to be doing some stretches for the tension that I carry in my upper back and for my throat and tongue. It's all incredibly silly to say the least. I feel so stupid doing this but I know it's the only way to get my voice back to normal. I had my second session today and it was ridiculous.
My first week's homework.

Bitch Session
 So let me just have a little bitch session from over the weekend. My wonderful BF never rinses dishes before he puts them in the dishwasher. I was unloading the dishwasher on Saturday and this is what I'm pulling out. We give the pups peanut butter at night and this is the product of that. In P's defense, our dishwasher sucks and will be the first appliance to be replaced in our kitchen. I left these so beautifully on the counter so he could see proof of what his lack of rinsing does. He just laughs at me and I doubt anything will change. A girlfriend can hope, right?
Mabel LooHoo
We went out on Saturday afternoon to get the pups new collars. Theirs were getting pretty dingey and Mabel's was starting to crack. Mabel didn't want to let me get a picture of her collar and ended up with me pinned down on the ground while I tried every angle possible. (Can I just add a side note: I just love her little bare pink belly.)
Sergeant posed like a good boy.

Then he was done with pictures.
 We typically keep Mabel in purple and Sergeant in blue. Finding anything decent in those colors has proven to be impossible. Mabel ended up with a very festive stripey collar and Sergeant's is just a tad girly.  He's a girly-man some times anyway, so it's fitting.
This is the best picture I could get of Mabel. She's the most stubborn dog.
Yesterday we took them to Easter at my sister's. She has a Goldendoodle named Lucky. He is my favorite nephew. Mabel is the only one who has met them so I wasn't sure about it, but I put them out back with him anyway. They all got along great and had a blast. Mabel escaped to the neighbor's yard once but she came back. I have no clue how she squeezed through that hole. The kids did their egg hunt and the fam went to play at the park. It was over all a good day.

Today I decided that I needed that extra push to get healthy and signed up for Weight Watchers again. This time I am going into it alone. This way if my friend doesn't show up, it won't matter. It will all be on me and there will be no one to influence me. I am going to go to the Saturday morning meeting. I definitely think that I need some guidance and good little push to get going on the right path. I try and fail much too often. I think if I'm paying for it, it might push me a little more. Only time will tell. I really like the new program last time I joined in October or November, so I am hoping it will kick this booty into gear.

Did you have a good Easter Sunday?

Saturday, April 7, 2012

Meal Planning

Does anyone else ever get home at night and have absolutely no clue what to make for dinner no matter how much wonderful food you have in the house? This is me and the boyfriend every single night. And lately that has left us eating out, ordering pizza, and making things that aren't even worth eating. Now don't get me wrong, we can both cook. We actually both make most things we try out pretty well. I guess our biggest fault is that we're not very creative. We're not really "throw things in a pan and see what happens" kind of people. I do this some times and it usually turns out but I'm not too confident in my abilities.

This leads me to thinking that we need to start meal planning. And shopping every week because half of our food goes bad before we even have the chance to use it. We would waste much less food this way. The problem is that I don't know where to start. I've tried in the past, but I just haven't succeeded. I even have a whiteboard next to my kitchen with the days drawn out and everything. That's as far as I ever got. I think I wrote one single dinner on there and we didn't even make it that night.

I think if we could print out recipes for two week and rotate those it would work out well. We usually eat our favorite recipes that often anyway, so I don't think that we would get sick of things too quickly this way. Maybe we could even come up with a whole month's worth of dinners one week at a time. This way P will always know what to get ready.

I also think this will help if my calories are all planned out for me every single day. I find when I don't have any type of plan I make dinner and still have hundreds of calories left after dinner. Then I spend the evenings eating everything in sight and ruin my whole day. P doesn't eat very well either. He is a former fat kid and has some bad habits just like me. Sometimes he won't eat unless he is eating with me at dinner time. I think this happens more often than not. If we had everything planned out we would both be healthier.

Now let me just share with you that last year I got gym and health crazy and was down to about 190 pounds. Then my whole entire world came crashing down on me. My sister passed away and a month later to the day my grandpa passed away. This was the hardest time of my entire life. And then just a month or two later I decided to buy a house. I never knew just how stressful that could be. And I can honestly say that I am still not healed from this. My vocal physical therapist is trying to talk me into seeing a counselor and I just might take her up on that.

I need to get back to where I was last year. I need to cook myself and the boyfriend meals and be as healthy as we can be so that we can live a long and healthy life together.

Now for some painful reminders of why I should get healthy fun: Here are some pictures from last year at about 190 and from now... At ___... I don't even know because I haven't weighed myself for a month or so.

 I was honestly feeling absolutely amazing at this time. Probably March 2011.
 Again, feeling and looking phenomenal. May 2011.
 This was also probably March 2011.
 This is today, April 7, 2012. I think I'm wearing the same shirt in one of the other pictures.
 I think this was in February 2012. I love sock monkeys.
And this is March 2012 before I fell off my latest attempt at healthy living.

Do you meal plan? Do you use any type of program, spreadsheet, etc?

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Off Track: To WW or not to WW

So let me just tell you that these last few weeks I have been way off track. I got stressed out and I don't know how to deal with stress, so I turned to some serious unhealthy eating. P and I were having some issues, but I'm pretty sure we're ok now. I haven't really been "on track" per say, but I was at least making an effort before. Other than taking the wuppies for walks, I haven't done a darn thing exercise wise. And I haven't been eating healthy in the slightest. I've also majorly slacked off on my water drinking and upped the Red Bull addiction again. Damn you caffeiney goodness.

So I'm thinking that since I paid my last "Easy Pay" on my Total Gym, maybe I should think about joining Weight Watcher's again. I joined at the end of last year and went for a couple of months until getting to a meeting by 9am on a SATURDAY just didn't seem worth it anymore. I like the new program. I did have a hard time reaching my goals though. My stepmom and coworker are going it now and they've both lost upwards of 20 pounds. I know that if I stuck with the program I could be right there with them. I have a hard time justifying paying $45 for something that I can get for free at Sparkpeople.

I love Sparkpeople so much, but I'm not really being held accountable to anyone but myself there. I tried to join a spring "Challenge" thinking that it would help, but it didn't. Not at all. I think maybe having someone
weigh me in every week and tell me good job or tell me it's ok, there's always next week will help. I like the people at the WW meetings here in my town. They're all very nice and supportive. And the meeting leader is awesome and peppy and hilarious.

What does everyone in blog world think?

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Photo Blog: My Childrens

 Sassy. 4 years old. My special girl. She gets her health problems from me. She's weird and quirky and annoying as all get out. But I love her.
 Sergeant.  7 months old. My mommy says I'm special. Goofy, a little slow, and cute as can be.
 Mabel. 10 months old. My BFMFL. Best Friend Mabel For Life. Sweetest puppy. Tennis ball crazy.
 Alley. 6 years old. My shweetsa. Scaredy Cat. Jumpy but as sweet as they come.
Crooksy. 5 years old. Momma's boy. Attention WHORE!