Sunday, April 1, 2012

Creepy Sleeper

I know I've been MIA for a while... Things have  been odd around here.

So, every day P-Dog tells me all the creepy things that I do at night. I don't even know how this handsome man sleeps with me every night. I'd be running far far away if I were him.

Now, I should let you all know some fun little facts about me. I have a bunch of weird skin conditions. I have something called Dermagraphism. It literally translates to "To write on the skin" or something like that. So what that means is that any little scratch or even pressure on my skin leads to big red welts. So every time I even scratch a little it looks like I've been attacked by a tiger. It alarms people and leads my family to yell at me for scratching. I also have some serious hive issues. I get hives every single day of my life. At one point my allergist told me she thinks that it's an autoimmune disease attacking my skin but there is no way to test it. For now, some allergy medicine takes the edge off. If I forget to take it, I get hives and they spread rapidly over my whole body. And then I turn bright red. Sexy, I know.

So now that all that weird stuff is out in the air... I have to tell you that P tells me all these creepy things about myself every single day. Apparently I sit up in a dead sleep and scratch every night. He thinks I'm awake but I'm not. I also say a lot of things in my sleep. I never knew that I talked in my sleep. No friends, family, or previous boyfriends have ever said a thing about me talking in my sleep. I say bizarre things all night long. I always ask him what he's doing when he gets home. Some times I yell at him for things that he hasn't done. Some times I just tell him that I love him in a whisper. I spend lots of time yelling at my cat that sleeps on my pillow and steps on my hair all night long. I think I often threaten to shank her and other horrible prison threats.

Let me give some examples of things I've said:

"I want a Penny of my very own." I think this was referring to Meals and Moves incredibly adorable dog.

"Sassy, I'll shank you if you step on my hair again."

"Why did you go out to smoke and not even tell me? You just leave me alone? You don't even tell me what you are doing or that you're leaving me?" This was me yelling in the middle of the night that then turned into me bawling my eyes out because I was so confused. And P-Murder didn't even leave the bed.

"What are you doing?" Every single night in the whiniest voice possible.

"You scared me!" In also the most whiney voice possible.

This is just a small pool of the things that PeeWee tells me I say every night. I am not sure when all of this started, but P gets a big kick out of it. Except of course when I yell at him. Now I am starting to wonder if this is the reason why I am always so tired and exhausted. When am I really sleeping? I am much too busy being the creeper of all creepers to get in a good night's sleep.

What weird sleep habits do you have?

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