I've been trying to get my eating back on track, but it's not really working. I am realizing a couple of things. For one, I am a calorie hoarder. For breakfast and lunch I am only eating about half my daily goals. Then dinner obviously doesn't take up the other half. So I find myself just stuffing my face at night after the BF goes to work. This is not helping me reach my goals at all. This week I have been trying to pack some snacks for work and get used to eating every few hours again so that by the time meal time comes I'm not starving and overeating. I haven't been too successful so far, but I also need to go to the grocery store. We're running low on everything. I know that I will be more successful if I spread my calories out to 5 or 6 small meals throughout the day. This is how I was successful last year. I just need to start planning ahead. What a concept, huh? I must have just made that up as I write this...
The other thing that I am realizing is that I am a binge eater. And it doesn't even matter what the food is. When I get stressed or bored I find myself eating and not being able to stop. I sometimes even eat things that don't even taste good. Old, stale mini marshmallows anyone? Last night, this is what I was doing. I realized it, tattled on myself to the BF, then packed up the computer, magazines, books, and the pups and hightailed it to the bedroom. This is the farthest place from the kitchen. I actually ended up just falling asleep after not even reading the first chapter of The Hunger Games. This may not be the best way to deal with this, but it was a start. I need to find other things to do when my precious BF is at work. I need something to keep me busy and out of the kitchen. I think this is just going to be something I am going to have to work on day by day. I'm sure those urges will never go away, but I need to try to work through them and not give in.
I think to start working through all of these issues, I am going to start writing things down to help remind me why I am trying to be a healthier person. I can name countless reasons, but I think it would be best to see them whenever I need them.
I just want to be able to find my happy place again. I know that my relationship is suffering right now due to the fact that I am so unhappy with myself. I mean we're not on the verge of a breakup or anything even close to that, but it could be better. I want to have good friends again. I have been trying to purge everything/everyone bad out of my life little by little and that has left me with my family, my boyfriend, and a small handful of true friends. I know that these are people that I can go a year without seeing and things will be right back to how they were. I just need to reach out to them all more and spend more time on those good relationships. P and I need to get out more. We spend a ridiculous amount of time at home. This is where I'm at my happiest. But spring is near and I want to do things. I want to do things that will bring me closer to my happy place. I tried to get P to start a list of all the things we want to do in spring and summer, but he never takes me seriously and the list ended up in the garbage. I'm going to list mine here. (Because this blog isn't already all over the place and uber long.)
Things I want to do:
- A 5k (Color Run! Color Run! Color Run!)
- Ride Bikes (with the pups in a children's bike trailer whether the BF likes it or not! Ha!)
- Spend time on the Centennial Trail
- Either the Market Ghost Tour or the Lust Tour
- Go to the zoo
- Go for nightly walks with the pups
- Go camping
- Go to a concert
- Spend lots of sunny days at the dog park
- Go to free waterfront concerts
- Walk the beach
- Have picnics
- Have BBQs
- Start a vegetable garden
- Do yardwork (because I now own my first home and I CAN!)
Maybe this lengthy blog is a sign that I should get on here more often and not go 5 days between posts. When I can post from home I will update everyone on my big weekend out. I took few pictures, but I will add them.
What do you want to get out and do this spring and summer?